An unmistakably Australian headline hit a few days ago:
‘It was a big bloody big shock’: Giant goanna busted scaling side of NSW house in Thurgoona
Now, I’m not going to lie. As an Aussie, I’m pretty used to sharing my space with different spiders, lizards, grasshoppers, etc. The conversation at our house usually goes:
Me: “Is that a dangerous spider or an OK one?”
Husband: “That one’s OK.”
And then the spider gets left alone to craft its web, or carefully escorted out to the garden. I’ve found myself apologising to spider for accidentally crashing through their web and destroying their hard work.
Honestly, this would have me a whimpering, terrified wreck. So the story goes this guy in New South Wales had been working in his shed when he spotted a 1.5 metre goanna scaling his house.
For the non-Australians, a “goanna” is a member of the monitor lizard family. They have a prominent place in both Aboriginal mythology and Australian folklore.
And, coincidentally, a prominent place in my nightmares. Just take a look at this guy and imaging him scaling your house:
When I was a kid, we used to have family BBQs at this national park, which featured massive goannas and just for added fun, giant moths all over the bathroom doors.
As a fully grown adult, I may or may not have locked myself in our Jeep and ate my lunch after hear rustling in the bushes behind me and realising it was a goanna (much to the other campers’ delight at my antics).
Just in case this guy isn’t terrifying enough on his own, guess what can happen if you lock up in fear and make the terrible mistake of standing still?
“Alarmed goannas can mistake standing humans for trees and attempt to climb off the ground to safety, which is understandably painful, as well as distressing for both man and beast.”